


You're worth it

by slytherinnbitch



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Magical Tattoos, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Self-Harm, trigger warning contains self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:47:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26177440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherinnbitch/pseuds/slytherinnbitch
Summary: Sirius tries taking his life after an awful letter from his family but Remus is there to save him. He has an idea as to how to stop Sirius from commiting self harm again.This was my first wolfstar oneshot. I plan on making my next fanfic wolfstar.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	1. Let me just help you love, you are clearly hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: Mentions of self harm. Swear words are also present
> 
> Background: Wolfstar had been dating for a month now. This takes place in sixth year. Due to the finals being near, Remus had been studying non-stop since morning in the library and has skipped breakfast altogether.
> 
> P.S. - All the marauders can apparate quite perfectly and having been doing so since the last month's of fifth year.

"MOONY!" Remus looked up to find James running towards him. 

"Sirius" he pants as he comes to halt in front of Remus. "He got a letter and has locked himself inside the dorm. He wouldn't let me or anyone else in."

Remus had jumped to his feet at the first word and was already running out of the library by the time James finished, ignoring the glares of their librarian.

The portrait let him through without even asking for the password, Good for her, he thought as he rushed inside. 

He found the dorm door unlocked which took him by surprise. That must be a good sign, he hopes as he gets in. 

The curtains of Sirius's bed are drawn and he can't hear a single sound coming, he panics again as he stops in front of the bed to look for any spells. Finding none, he pulled them open, only to find a letter with the black crest printed at the top, lying on the bed. 

Glancing briefly, his eyes fall on some phrases such as 'werewolf', 'disgrace', 'fag', 'proud of Regulus' and 'death Eater' among others. He instantly knew what was happening as he rushed for their washroom, which as expected was locked. 

He tried banging the door and calling Sirius out but was met with silence. He tried some spells but they were of no use. Sirius knew his spells better than most of them here. So he did the best thing that came to his mind and bombarded that bloody door. Consequences be damned.

Heading inside, he found Sirius sitting under the shower, water splashing all over him, drenching his already wet clothes but Sirius looked like he wasn't even paying the slightest bit of attention to these things. A hint of silver shined in his hands and he was looking at it thoughtfully. Upon getting a bit closer, Remus got a better look. Why does he have a FUCKING KNIFE in his hand?!?!?!?!?!

Remus snatched it away from him and threw it away towards the door, before Sirius could even react. That seemed to get Sirius's attention, he looked up at him, bewilderment filled in his eyes.

"Moony…..", he breathed out. 

"Sirius, are you out of your mind? What were you even thinking? Didn't you promise not to do this ever again?" Remus had tears in his eyes as he said the last word. 

Something seemed to click inside Sirius's mind as he suddenly shifted away from Remus, towards the wall. He sobbed, " Get away from me, Moons. You shouldn't be anywhere near me. She is right, always has been. I'm a disgrace to the Black Family. I don't deserve happiness or love and certainly not you." He shrinks back more towards the wall, trying to keep as much distance from Remus as possible. “Go away, Moons. I’m not worth it. I was never worth it. You’re just wasting your time with me.” He proceeds to cover his face with his hands and sob profusely. 

Remus could feel his own tears welling up in his eyes as he fell to his knees in front of Sirius. He very slowly took his hands in his and said, “Siri, look at me.” but Sirius wouldn’t bulge, he sat there still with his head down, the water now drenching both of them.

“Please, honey. Just look at me once. Just once.” 

After some more pestering and softly murmured words, Remus finally got Sirius to look up but he wouldn't meet his eyes. He cupped his wet face tenderly, looking directly into Sirius’s eyes.

“Listen to me, okay? I told you this before and am telling you again, you should never again think about taking your own life. You understand me? You have done nothing wrong or bad in your entire life and that bitch is wrong. You are worth it, you are worth everything. Do you hear me? You deserve all the happiness in the world and I'll make sure of that.” Remus used one of his softest tones and it was all conveyed in a whisper but it somehow had the more effect than it would have if the words had been yelled upon. Sirius just sat there, looking towards the wall but there seemed to be some sort of understanding in those hazel eyes. 

“Just let me help you, love. You are clearly hurt and i can’t bear to see you like this anymore.” Remus, himself lets tears fall down silently from his eyes, but after a minute Sirius looks him in the eye.

“Moony………..”, he breathes out and it sounds like a revelation. He says his name one more time and this time it is out of news, need for what? he doesn't know but when Sirius shifts forwards, Remus takes him in his arms, murmuring words of solace into his ears as he caresses his back gently. Sirius just clings to him, as if his life depends in this moment, tears still falling down his beautiful hazel eyes.

After what feels like an eternity, Sirius pulls back and says, “I'm sorry, Moons. I wasn't thinking clearly. I broke my promise.”

“I forgive you, Pads but please, never pull that stunt on me, ever again. I love you."

Sirius kissed him softly on the lips and replied," I'll keep my promise this time. I love you too Moons."

After they finally emerged from the bathroom and changed into dry clothes. Remus slowly but methodically towel-dried Sirius's hair and gave him one of his fluffiest sweaters to wear. He knew that those helped him relax a lot. 

"Hmmm…… smells like you.", Sirius smiled softly as he got comfortable on Remus's bed. He patted his side, asking Remus to join in silently. Remus joined him without hesitation and said," Get some sleep, love. I'll be here when you wake up."

He gave Sirius a soft, shy smile and gently started caressing his head. He was out within five minutes…….

It was almost an hour, before James poked his head inside their dorm, when he saw them both snuggled up, with Remus reading a book while Sirius was curled up against him, looking peacefully asleep. 

He slowly crept up to Moony and whispered, " Is he okay now? I didn't know what to do when he wouldn't even open the door."

"He has been better, Prongs.", Remus said with a soft sigh, " He was going to do it again, you know. I stopped him just in time." He said in a broken whisper.

"No…..", he breathed out, horrified at the fact that Sirius would try to take his life again. After promising them that he wouldn't. He remembered how that night they had to literally bound him, in order to stop him from taking his own life. It had been a turning point in their friendship, he had finally understood the depths of Sirius's misery that night and he had vowed to himself how he would never again let Sirius go through that much pain, yet he had failed miserably.

"We need to think of a way to prevent him soon. We can't just believe his words." He said, coming out of his thoughts.

"Don't worry, I have an idea…."


	2. Its about time the world knew about it as well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Mentions of self harm. Swear words are also present....  
>  I know I said that before, but well.......

It was early evening when Sirius finally woke up, the rays of the setting sun filtered through the curtains, giving a soft glow to the room. Remus was in the same position as he remembered, snoring softly beside him. He opened his eyes as soon as Sirius tried to get up. A small smile brightening his normally stressed face.

"Hey, sleep well?", He asked softly. 

Sirius nodded his head as an answer before snuggling close to his Moony again. He mumbled, " I broke my promise, I'm sorry"

"You didn't mean to, Pads. I know that. Plus, you are here, you are safe and that's all that really matters."

Sirius captured Remus's lips in a tender kiss, but didn't say anything otherwise.

After almost half an hour of cuddling and kissing when Remus finally said, "Padfoot, I always wanted to do something, I think I'm ready now. Would you mind accompanying me? I don't want to go alone." He said it in such a tone that he knew that Sirius wouldn't be able to deny it.

Sirius agreed without even thinking twice. It was quite rare of Remus to ask for something and he would be damned if he said no to that face, ever… Plus he wanted to get away from everything for a while and there couldn't be a better distraction than Moony himself.

They sneaked out of Hogwarts and apparated as soon as they reached Hogsmeade. Sirius was disoriented to where Remus had brought them both, then he realised it was the corner of Diagon Alley that he had never really visited before. 

As they started walking towards the cluster of shops, Remus spoke up, " I've always wanted something on my skin that I gave myself and not the wolf. What is better than a tattoo for that? Hmm?" They were now standing in front of what looked like a wizard tattoo shop. 

They quickly went inside, before someone noticed two school students outside of Hogwarts. Remus greeted the receptionist, who didn't seem to care that they were students or underage for that fact. He bade Sirius a quick goodbye before going inside the parlour. 

Sirius just sat there, thinking about his whole life before he made up his mind to get a tattoo himself. Just as he made up his mind, Remus emerged from inside, he was sporting a constellation on his neck. On closer look, he saw it was of the Canis Major, he gasped as he saw it glow softly and the lines tangled among themselves and took the shape of a wolf and a dog. 

"You are the best thing that ever happened to me. It's time the world should know that as well.", He shrugged as he said that, as if it wasn't the biggest gesture EVER.

"It's beautiful, love. Thank you." He had slight tears in his eyes but he did nothing to hide them.

After admiring Remus's tattoo for another minute or so, it was Sirius's turn to get a tattoo. 

He got a magnificent tattoo on his forearm, just where the mark should have been. It was of the four of them, running around on a full moon. The four creatures ran all over his arms before coming to a halt for mere seconds. 

Over the years, tattoos covered up Sirius's whole body, from his abdomen to his arms and legs. He got one each time, he felt particularly low or had been delivered another really spiteful letter which made him want to do things, things that he shouldn't even think of. Whenever he went to the tattoo shop, Remus willingly accompanied him. A few times getting a tattoo himself but mostly to be with Sirius when he was at his lowest. The tattoos helped him through the twelve years of Azkaban, they became his hope, hope that he would be back to his Moony again……...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments make me scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
